Love Grace

The smell of stale blood on my fingers is so strong I can taste it like the flavor of pennies in my mouth. I feel weak; dizzy. I'm sick to my stomach and my soul is crushed. My heart has imploded and my spirit undone. Happiness and joy have never been farther from my reach. It is not sadness or hopelessness but utter despair that rips at my throat and fills my eyes and threatens to rip my heart right out of my chest, leaving the gaping wound fresh open for the world to see. Grief overshadows me like a dark cloud following my every step. My heart is heavy and it drags along the floor when I walk. I have no desire, no energy, no motivation; the simplest of tasks seem impossible and unachievable, but yet my soul doesn't want to give in or give up. The tiniest desire in my groin begs my heart and soul to hold on; to push onward. I feel like an empty shell; like everything inside me was carved out and I just sit here slouched over, heartless, cold, empty. I want to cry my heart back

If there ever was a time when I wished things were easy, it is now. It always seems so much easier to be an adult when you are seeing things as a child, but once you realize you are finally in adulthood and you have to face up to it, things are no longer as fun or ideal. Sure, there are fun aspects to becoming an adult and finding independence, but the cons far outweigh the pros. Having said that, there is perhaps less than 5% of people who say they would give anything to be a child/teenager again. Most people hate their childhood and growing up brings back bad memories. So, if nobody wants to be an adult or a kid, who or what are we? We are left with the irresponsibility of childhood and the recklessness of adulthood. We run away from what we don't like and can't control. We can't change the outcome of things around us, we can only change how they affect us inside. Sometimes we are strong enough only to survive. When our life dangles on the line and we have nowhere left