Love Grace

I have hidden in a dark corner where the shadows never move and light never shines and I wonder why my eyes have gone blind. I look around and see nothing, but I stay where I am for fear of finding out that I have wasted all my life in Limbo when all the while I've held the keys in my hand. I have come to realize I am overlooking a vast ocean of despair where I am alone in a cave and my voice is still there but I have forgotten how to speak. Sometimes I see boats floating by. I see them but they cannot see me and to ask for help is unthinkable. I see darkness through clouded dreams and I long for something more.

     There are those moments when I see the pictures of past memories and I remember what I used to have. I miss those days and I want them back. I yearn to be back where I was those days. I long to linger in that presence and just enjoy the sun upon my eyelashes and the breeze fresh against my skin. It stings me to the heart and I have a knot within my throat. Tears swell up behind my eyeballs and I sigh within my soul. That is what I see when I look back, but as I sit here, considering the present, I sigh again. Even though my heart is heavy and troubles surround me, even though I often sink to my knees in apparent despair, I find that I am alright. I feel around with my palms and I touch the ground; it does not move and it does not fall apart. I see the faces of those around me and I smile. I think of the troubles, but I also think of the joys. I don’t regret being here, I don’t regret leaving what I left, but I also don’t forget what I have gained. Oh, the memories. O, the pains,

     It is a troubling realization when we finally see that our deepest desires aren't always pure and our intentions aren't always the best. It is often too easy to sink in to the ways of the world. Why? Because we live in it and its currents tend to tug at our faith. It is so difficult for me to admit how imperfect I am. I like to think I can do anything, though in reality, I know I am utterly powerless. It's only human nature, I suppose, but it serves me nothing to pretend like I know everything.      All this to say that this spring semester has left me utterly tired and worn out. I have studied and worked my energy out and toward the last couple of weeks before finals, my personal devotions that I've always been so fond of, diminished quickly. I became tired and at times, hopelessly unwilling to spend time in the Word and in prayer. Part of me felt angry toward myself about it, but the other part remained foolishly apathetic. I didn't know what to do, so I di

     Life moves quickly; the older you get, the faster it moves, or so it seems. Life comes at you fast. Sometimes we wonder why we get up and do what we do, why we try, why we keep going, when life is so overwhelmingly running us over. Routines, requirements, deadlines, chores, desires, expectations, dreams, and decisions crowd our minds and our schedules. Life is overwhelming, if not always, almost always. There are times when things look so dark that the only way out might seem to be to "unplug the chord." The grind and tug-of-war between what we want and what we must, tears at our hearts so strongly that we hope for it all to simply be over.      I've been there; in fact, I'm there now, and often am. That is life: struggling between stress and hope. It is at that point, where I find myself most vulnerable; most insignificant and powerless. But it is also at that point, where there is no longer anywhere left to run and I must face reality. I can't hide from or