Posts

At the Crossroads in Sinking Sands

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I’m at a crossroads Between apathy And melancholy I stand in sinking sand And despair when I think I’ve lost the battle I see the other side of the world Where people achieve and succeed They move up in the world But the sand grabs hold of my feet And I sink lower again I know where I want to go But I don’t know where I am I know who I want to be But I don’t know who I am I’m restless, but I can’t move I see the other side of the world Where people go and come as they please They hold nothing back And nothing is held back from them They can see my world also They look briefly and grin Knowing they are better I reach out for help But they turn away How can I escape or run? I try and I work hard to get out But even after I try I am baffled by the chains on my limbs I didn’t know I was trapped I see the other side of the world Where they work and they fly It all seems so nice While I pay the price The sand runs between my toes It reminds me that I can’t go up That the forces of gravity ow
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Glass Half Full

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Started writing 2/6/18 but never finished... The cold breeze whistled by in the dark under the moon, rustling the dead leaves. The whistle intensified, then died down. He shifted his body on the sofa in hopes of finding some rest, but his mind kept replaying her insincerity and distance from the recent weeks. Everything always seemed so perfect. A good job, a house, a beautiful wife and daughter. Life was good. It seemed as if nothing could or should be going wrong, but her attitude told another story. She hadn't touched him in at least 2 months. The pain in his groin intensified each day, but that wasn't what hurt the most. It was his pride. Pride in knowing he had things under control; knowing he could provide, love, support and be enough. The man inside wanted to feel needed. But she no longer needed him. The wind intensified and slapped the window with a wild rage that brought with it hail that clanked against the house. The silhouette of the dead trees against the moonl
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Written 7/20/15 Greetings to all of you, The Lord is great in all the Earth! Praise Him evermore! It is evident to me, that the hand of God is hard at work in the lives of family members and friends around me. This evidence, I gathered from the obvious spiritual battle which most of my family members and some friends are faced with. I have always believed that the greater the battle, the greater the victory. We are believing firmly that God is in full control, and there is nothing to fear, though doubt and temptation may swing our way. One of the battles I would like to ask your prayer for, is depression. 2 of my family members are experiencing trying times that have greatly affected their spiritual life in Christ. It is amazing to see both the work of Satan at work in the demonic realm and the hand of God at work in the heavenly realm. Both these spiritual forces are palpable in every day circumstances. However, I feel that it is not as palpable to all of us, as it should be. So p
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Providence

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Written 7/20/15 It is often a very difficult thing to discern what is the will of God for our life. As humans, we tend to easily lose focus on what is important. Sometimes we are swayed by those things which entice our heart, other times by that which entices our eyes. Many times our causes might be good and our reasons might be justifiable, but in the end it is not our decisions that prevail, but the providence of God that is carried out. So, then it must seem as if we are merely pieces in a chess game, but that is not true for we each play a role in this life. Though we might not know the end game plan, we have a God to guide us through.
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Written 7/20/15 Hello all you faithful! We just arrived from Yospi about an hour ago. We were there a very short time... it almost seems like we were there a long time ago because I miss them so much already. We left at 4:30 yesterday and arrived at like 6 or 6:30. It was already dark when we arrived. When we got there we found our brothers in Christ working on a project. Apparently, the government provided them with restroom facilities. They built 40 restrooms for the whole Amealco place (not everyone got one... but many families were blessed with one). They weren't finished building it but it's basically done. We are planning to go again in December
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In The Face of Adversity

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Written 1/25/18 2013 - 2015 is a big gap in my blog. These have been trying years. In these newer posts, I aim to change the tone and focus of my writing and direct it toward more external concerns as I shift away from writing about internal and personal concerns as much. In the recent months, I have researched more and more the impact political and governmental decisions have in our daily living. There has been much talk on the internet about the discrepancies between the Constitution and the IRS code as to the lawful requirement or the lack thereof for citizens to pay taxes on their wages. I will cover some of these issues in another blog I have, for which you are welcome to reach out to me, as I will not be posting the blog name in this site. All views aside, however, all issues pertaining to governmental power are the very face of adversity. You hear in the news or even in your neighborhood, constant talk of things involving governmental control that seem out of place, immoral
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Help me Help him

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The smell of stale blood on my fingers is so strong I can taste it like the flavor of pennies in my mouth. I feel weak; dizzy. I'm sick to my stomach and my soul is crushed. My heart has imploded and my spirit undone. Happiness and joy have never been farther from my reach. It is not sadness or hopelessness but utter despair that rips at my throat and fills my eyes and threatens to rip my heart right out of my chest, leaving the gaping wound fresh open for the world to see. Grief overshadows me like a dark cloud following my every step. My heart is heavy and it drags along the floor when I walk. I have no desire, no energy, no motivation; the simplest of tasks seem impossible and unachievable, but yet my soul doesn't want to give in or give up. The tiniest desire in my groin begs my heart and soul to hold on; to push onward. I feel like an empty shell; like everything inside me was carved out and I just sit here slouched over, heartless, cold, empty. I want to cry my heart back
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If there ever was a time when I wished things were easy, it is now. It always seems so much easier to be an adult when you are seeing things as a child, but once you realize you are finally in adulthood and you have to face up to it, things are no longer as fun or ideal. Sure, there are fun aspects to becoming an adult and finding independence, but the cons far outweigh the pros. Having said that, there is perhaps less than 5% of people who say they would give anything to be a child/teenager again. Most people hate their childhood and growing up brings back bad memories. So, if nobody wants to be an adult or a kid, who or what are we? We are left with the irresponsibility of childhood and the recklessness of adulthood. We run away from what we don't like and can't control. We can't change the outcome of things around us, we can only change how they affect us inside. Sometimes we are strong enough only to survive. When our life dangles on the line and we have nowhere left
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Broken and Tired

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The doubts and fears, they keep my worries close and faith afar, but, lo, I'm rendered vulnerable before you, O Lord. I cannot see a life without you leading it. I cannot imagine the misery and emptiness your absence emits. I lay in silence, broken and tired. I'm weary of this world and the void it provides. I long for your love, I yearn for your presence. I can't live life, I can't take a step without you. I'm broken and tired, Lord. Fix me and heal me for only you can. I lay myself at your feet and accept your mercy and love. I plead for your guidance and light to lead me along the way of righteousness for there's nothing worth living or dying for if not you. When I run, you bring me back, when I hide, you seek me out. Thank you for never letting go of me even when I let go of you. I'm broken and tired and all I want is you. The past is a blur and my future unclear, my dreams are a haze and my dreams are a phase, but you, Lord, are forever, amen.
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Holy Love

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To think that there are around 7 billion people on earth and every single one is different and unique. It is fascinating to me that each person has their own personality and their own quirks that are not found in anyone else. How amazing is the God who made us all! I see my coworkers and have noticed their quirks and have come to love them each. This week, I have been overwhelmed at the love I feel for these people I work with. I am sure this love is from the Lord, for I could not muster such drenching and heart-burdening love for anyone. The skeptic inside me asked my subconscious why I feel this way for it is truly not like me. I found that the only explanation, the only reason is Jesus. Only Jesus could love those who do not even care to ponder His existence. Only He could love a people whose heart is far from Him. Only He could feel such rooted compassion for a lost generation and for good reason- He created them! Each in his/her own way. Such care, such love. O, How deep the Fath
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Looking Forward

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In the face of a new year, I am humbled before the presence of a Mighty God. In retrospect, my wallowing and weeping have torn precious time from my journey with the Father. God took me through several places in order to teach me humility this 2012. His lessons for me to cease my complaining were often so difficult that I felt myself taking steps back. I was living half-heartedly when I learned I had to fall down before I could get up; I had to die before being revived by God. Learning to recognize the difference between the attack of the enemy and the testing of God's hand could not have been a more difficult lesson. O, how I wrestled within myself; my flesh and my spirit. Battling a depression I was unwilling to admit I was going through, took away from my joy and drained me emotionally. My pride stood in the way to ask for help to those around me even in the most pivotal points of my life, but more than that, I hate the pride that stood in the way between God and my heart. It
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